Blacktop Blogservations

Dear Reader (there's only one of you, right?),
The schizophrenic streets of North Texas feature no shortage of commuting personalities. Sometimes they're speeding by at 80 MPH and I have to make swift mental notes and other times they're just poking along at 35 and I have plenty of time to study these species.
Let me first discuss a driving phenomena that, in my experience, only happens here: going BELOW the speed limit! Being fresh from New York's mean streets it's alarming and perhaps more dangerous than speeding, because people pull wild maneuvers around these mutant motorist.
A close relative to the speed limit underachievers is the cruise controllers. These drivers know only one speed and it usually hovers around 48 miles per hour, whether it's freeway, feeder road or residential, you can always rely on their reliability.
I know this happens everywhere, but it's definitely worth mentioning: "I go exactly the speed limit in the left-most lane and neither pass anyone, nor acknowledge that I am blowing it for EVERYONE!" It's a passing lane, not a loitering lane.
Truckers in the left lane. Again, passing lane, not a campsite. This strikes me as totally negligent and dangerous and what's worse is people tailgate the offending big rigs, yet cops see all of this and do nothing. The bigger and slower you are the further to the right you should stay.
Crotch rocket boners. You've seen 'em, 20 and 30 somethings with backpacks and high tops, who seldom wear helmets and ride sports bikes from the east. The often speed in between lanes, frequently cut cars off and even more frequently piss drivers off. To ice the moronic motorcycle cake these buffoons pop crotch rocket boners at 90 miles an hour. The salesperson should be required to perform un-reversible vasectomies on the guys buying these ricecycles.
You know how in other countries they cut off your hands for stealing? It's brilliant, bring it to the US; any time a driver causes a crash because they didn't use a turn signal, they should lose a finger, if not a hand. This is not just a Texas thing. How do you think those efficient German engineers of your VW Rabbit feel knowing that you won't even bother flicking your wrist to signal which way you're turning? A quick reminder: flick up for right and flick down for left and I won't flick you off. Thanks.
Speaking of directional signals, in DFW if you flick that signal, you better move fast. Using a turn signal here is like picking a road fight. Every jerk on the road will either speed up or slow down to hinder your proposed lane change. But I'm a firm believer in turn signal employment, so I'm adapting.
Unannounced lane changes are common on North Texas roadways, but it still comes as a surprise to me when someone will dive across 3 lanes of 60 MPH traffic into a bypass just to avoid one light. It makes me wonder if this is some kind of wild afterthought by someone who hasn't traveled this thoroughfare or if the driver is fully aware of the bypass and just likes to gamble.
Perplexingly yours,
Chuck Finn